Fatherhood Manologues at Cheshire Prison – Spring 2024
In the Spring of 2024, The Fatherhood Manologues partnered with the H.O.N.O.R. (Honesty, Ownership, Nobility, Obligation, and Respect) Program at Cheshire Correctional Institution to create a transformative experience for incarcerated men.
Over the course of three months, twelve men from diverse backgrounds—each serving lengthy prison sentences—embarked on a journey of reflection, healing, and expression. Through guided writing workshops, they crafted powerful Manologues exploring what it means to be a father or to be fathered. These stories became both personal testimonies and collective truths, touching on love, loss, resilience, and the often complicated role of fatherhood in their lives.
The program was not just about writing—it was about performance, peer support, and personal growth. Each participant learned the skill of presenting their story to an audience, finding their voice, and standing in their truth with confidence. They also discovered writing as a tool for releasing trauma, giving them a constructive outlet to process their past and envision their future.
The Fatherhood Manologues at Cheshire Prison demonstrated the power of storytelling to heal, connect, and inspire—even within the walls of incarceration. By engaging in honest dialogue about fatherhood, these men embraced vulnerability, supported one another, and reminded us all of the humanity that endures, no matter the circumstance.
Fatherhood Manologues-Cheshire H.O.N.o.r. Program
Do to the restrictions of the prison, we were unable to tape the performances, however; below are the written Fatherhood Manologues from the third cohort.
Time By: James Tobin
Time has new meaning since I've had children, I remember the first time I held my oldest daughter.
Time stood still.
It was like nothing I have ever experienced, Those first couple of days in the hospital, Were like being in a time capsule.
Then the time came,
We left the hospital.
It was like time sped up,
Trying to make up for the lost time.
There wasn't enough time in the day.
All the time I had wasted,
Seemed so much more precious.
I was running out of time, Or at least,
That's how I felt.
Rush, Rush, Hurry, Hurry, I Can't... We can't.... We don't have time.
Then came my second daughter,
Again time stood still.
This time, I knew what to expect.
But our capsule was clouded by anticipation
Everything else was the same, So I tried to ignore it.
But It was like a fly,
That kept landing on my head.
Then the time came, We left the hospital.
Instead of the same,
Time was in warp speed.
Rush, Rush, Hurry, Hurry. I can't... We can't... We don't have time.
BOOM!
Three years gone.
Sitting in a jail cell, Waiting to be sentenced.
With nothing but time.
Thoughts,
Memories,
Regret,
Humiliation.
Time stood still once again,
This time,
Instead of being in a capsule, An out of control force Driven right into a wall.
By time.
The ones effected most?
My two time capsule companions.
Through the thoughts,
Came memories.
Through the memories,
Came regret.
Through the regret, Came humiliation.
Thoughts of time wasted.
Memories of times I fell short,
Regrets of times missed.
Humiliation in the amount of time, It took me to realize all of this.
Time stood still.
It was like nothing I have ever experienced, Those first couple of days in the hospital, Were like being in a time capsule.
Then the time came,
We left the hospital.
It was like time sped up,
Trying to make up for the lost time.
There wasn't enough time in the day.
All the time I had wasted,
Seemed so much more precious.
I was running out of time, Or at least,
That's how I felt.
Rush, Rush, Hurry, Hurry, I Can't... We can't.... We don't have time.
Then came my second daughter,
Again time stood still.
This time, I knew what to expect.
But our capsule was clouded by anticipation
Everything else was the same, So I tried to ignore it.
But It was like a fly,
That kept landing on my head.
Then the time came, We left the hospital.
Instead of the same,
Time was in warp speed.
Rush, Rush, Hurry, Hurry. I can't... We can't... We don't have time.
BOOM!
Three years gone.
Sitting in a jail cell, Waiting to be sentenced.
With nothing but time.
Thoughts,
Memories,
Regret,
Humiliation.
Time stood still once again,
This time,
Instead of being in a capsule, An out of control force Driven right into a wall.
By time.
The ones effected most?
My two time capsule companions.
Through the thoughts,
Came memories.
Through the memories,
Came regret.
Through the regret, Came humiliation.
Thoughts of time wasted.
Memories of times I fell short,
Regrets of times missed.
Humiliation in the amount of time, It took me to realize all of this.
Untitled By: Matthew Pugh aka Breed
In 2010, I felt trapped in the lion's den, When just two years earlier, A young king was born,
Militant, aspiring, kid, achieving, victorious, encores, leading, inspiration, sounded the horn.
For those that didn't catch that acronym:
MAKAVELI is to blame, but being a preemie a C-section saved his fame.
Seven Queens and now a king to carry our last name, For as you can see, breed never stopped.
Breeding for the same.
The family is now solidified, even though,
Throughout the court system, Sixty years to life is glorified.
Why should I allow them to use corruption to banish a father from his kids, When exposing the truth is the best way to live.
Fourteen years and counting my freedom, For man has no control, God creates my kingdom!
buycadmusbooks.com/pages/matthew-pugh
Militant, aspiring, kid, achieving, victorious, encores, leading, inspiration, sounded the horn.
For those that didn't catch that acronym:
MAKAVELI is to blame, but being a preemie a C-section saved his fame.
Seven Queens and now a king to carry our last name, For as you can see, breed never stopped.
Breeding for the same.
The family is now solidified, even though,
Throughout the court system, Sixty years to life is glorified.
Why should I allow them to use corruption to banish a father from his kids, When exposing the truth is the best way to live.
Fourteen years and counting my freedom, For man has no control, God creates my kingdom!
buycadmusbooks.com/pages/matthew-pugh
Glory Days By: Taylor "TA" Mason
It was March 9, 200 at exactly 3:16 AM,
I was awoken by my girlfriend saying "Hey we have to go our new baby boy is on the way!
As I jumped up quickly to grab the car keys to run outside and start the car, I remember thinking to myself "wow I'm about to be a daddy!"
I ran back inside to help my girl out to the car, jumped in and started down the drive way, t to keep the car as steady as I could, as it bounced down our long dirt drive.
I sped down the road and jumped on the highway I got to the hospital in less than twenty minutes, and three and a half hours later at exactly 6:38AM this beautiful little creation was in his daddy's arms.
Glory Days
As I was holding him trying to keep the tears from falling on him as his little eyes opened to t sound of my soothing voice.
I gently whispered in his tiny little ear, "I love you little boy, I'm going to give you the best life can!"
Glory Days
I often find myself thinking back to the weekdays when I would pull up to the house and see nothing but the curtains in the window moving back and forth from where my little boy had b standing waiting for hours for his daddy to come home!
As I walked up to the door, he would wait for the sound of my keys to hit the doorknob, Jumping up and down unable to stop the excitement inside him,
As I opened the door he would jump into my arms, His little laugh would just melt my heart, I will cherish those moments for my lifetime!
Glory Days
In the days to come he grew quickly,
As I sit here today he has grown into the man he is today, He now has a family of his own.
I think of all the times we shared and all the times I've missed,
But whenever I do get to see him I still see that little boy from twenty three years ago!
Glory Days!
I was awoken by my girlfriend saying "Hey we have to go our new baby boy is on the way!
As I jumped up quickly to grab the car keys to run outside and start the car, I remember thinking to myself "wow I'm about to be a daddy!"
I ran back inside to help my girl out to the car, jumped in and started down the drive way, t to keep the car as steady as I could, as it bounced down our long dirt drive.
I sped down the road and jumped on the highway I got to the hospital in less than twenty minutes, and three and a half hours later at exactly 6:38AM this beautiful little creation was in his daddy's arms.
Glory Days
As I was holding him trying to keep the tears from falling on him as his little eyes opened to t sound of my soothing voice.
I gently whispered in his tiny little ear, "I love you little boy, I'm going to give you the best life can!"
Glory Days
I often find myself thinking back to the weekdays when I would pull up to the house and see nothing but the curtains in the window moving back and forth from where my little boy had b standing waiting for hours for his daddy to come home!
As I walked up to the door, he would wait for the sound of my keys to hit the doorknob, Jumping up and down unable to stop the excitement inside him,
As I opened the door he would jump into my arms, His little laugh would just melt my heart, I will cherish those moments for my lifetime!
Glory Days
In the days to come he grew quickly,
As I sit here today he has grown into the man he is today, He now has a family of his own.
I think of all the times we shared and all the times I've missed,
But whenever I do get to see him I still see that little boy from twenty three years ago!
Glory Days!
Becoming a Father By: Randy Dixon
For me, growing up without a father was a complex journey marked by a unique set of challenges as well as discoveries. The absence of my father created a void in me to where I didn't understand what fatherhood should be like. An identity that I didn't have when I became a father.
Becoming a father was one of the happiest days of my life, it was also a journey filled with al kinds of emotions. The first time that I held my daughter in my arms I realized that I was no longer living for just myself and that life the way I once knew it had expanded for me in ways unimaginable.
This tiny life that I was holding would look up to me for guidance, protection, as well as teaching her how to navigate through life's mazes. As a father I did what I thought was right by trying to do my best to provide love and a source of wisdom which I lacked due to the absence of my father.
I quickly learned that each day is different, sometimes filled with laughter and joy, sometimes with sadness and tears. When my son was born I was la little more prepared for what fatherhood was like. As I watched my kids grow an unwavering bond and connection transcended.
Becoming a father for me has been somewhat of a journey. I left my kids when they were ages five and four, they are both eighteen now.
Being a father while incarcerated is difficult for all of us in here in this room. It's a delicate balance between maintaining a connection and a good relationship with kids while still dealing with being incarcerated and the limitations that it imposes on us due to our circumstances.
Despite not physically being there with my kids the emotional bond that we share has always remained. Over the years I have done everything in my power to still be their dad.
For me, being a father is a narrative of so many different things, it has been my story of growth, resilience, and a commitment that I made to my kids which I always promise to keep.
And that’s being a dad.
Becoming a father was one of the happiest days of my life, it was also a journey filled with al kinds of emotions. The first time that I held my daughter in my arms I realized that I was no longer living for just myself and that life the way I once knew it had expanded for me in ways unimaginable.
This tiny life that I was holding would look up to me for guidance, protection, as well as teaching her how to navigate through life's mazes. As a father I did what I thought was right by trying to do my best to provide love and a source of wisdom which I lacked due to the absence of my father.
I quickly learned that each day is different, sometimes filled with laughter and joy, sometimes with sadness and tears. When my son was born I was la little more prepared for what fatherhood was like. As I watched my kids grow an unwavering bond and connection transcended.
Becoming a father for me has been somewhat of a journey. I left my kids when they were ages five and four, they are both eighteen now.
Being a father while incarcerated is difficult for all of us in here in this room. It's a delicate balance between maintaining a connection and a good relationship with kids while still dealing with being incarcerated and the limitations that it imposes on us due to our circumstances.
Despite not physically being there with my kids the emotional bond that we share has always remained. Over the years I have done everything in my power to still be their dad.
For me, being a father is a narrative of so many different things, it has been my story of growth, resilience, and a commitment that I made to my kids which I always promise to keep.
And that’s being a dad.
Peek A Boo By: Nathan Johnson
This short Manolgoue is for my son: Naeshawn, this is for you.
It's called "Peek a Boo" I see you.
What's up 'lil man, look at you all grown up, looking all rough and tough. Do you remember your favorite game. "Peek a Boo" I see you?
I can't forget the first time we met face to face. It was a scene that could never be erased, or a memory that could be replaced.
While helping holding your mom's left leg in the air, all I hear is, breathe, breathe, push, push. The doct said, oh my god, oh my god, doc what the fuck is that?... it was your head.
You popped out of your mom like ready toast out of the toaster. After I cut the umbilical cord. The doctor picked you up and you winked at me over your lil shoulder. As if we were playing "peek a boo, I see you."
From that moment I knew my life will never be the same.
I had to change, and move quick, fast like a hurricane, before trouble came. Fuck who thought it was lame, and fuck a name. I had to be there to play the game, "peck a boo I see you!"
At a month and a half, I knew you were special. You would smile and laugh. While taking a bath. Your toys would crash and splash. You would try to swim; it was so funny we couldn't help but laugh. Ha ha you funny! Playing peek a boo I see you.
Uh oh here comes Debbie downer, complaining, whining... oh my god oh my god, what are you doing, he's a baby, he don't do that with me. You got him spoiled. Oh my god... shut it up. Please!
I remember coming home late nights, looking for you. You would be fast asleep.
As I walk towards you trying to creep, in my head I would repeat.
Peek a boo, I see you!
It's called "Peek a Boo" I see you.
What's up 'lil man, look at you all grown up, looking all rough and tough. Do you remember your favorite game. "Peek a Boo" I see you?
I can't forget the first time we met face to face. It was a scene that could never be erased, or a memory that could be replaced.
While helping holding your mom's left leg in the air, all I hear is, breathe, breathe, push, push. The doct said, oh my god, oh my god, doc what the fuck is that?... it was your head.
You popped out of your mom like ready toast out of the toaster. After I cut the umbilical cord. The doctor picked you up and you winked at me over your lil shoulder. As if we were playing "peek a boo, I see you."
From that moment I knew my life will never be the same.
I had to change, and move quick, fast like a hurricane, before trouble came. Fuck who thought it was lame, and fuck a name. I had to be there to play the game, "peck a boo I see you!"
At a month and a half, I knew you were special. You would smile and laugh. While taking a bath. Your toys would crash and splash. You would try to swim; it was so funny we couldn't help but laugh. Ha ha you funny! Playing peek a boo I see you.
Uh oh here comes Debbie downer, complaining, whining... oh my god oh my god, what are you doing, he's a baby, he don't do that with me. You got him spoiled. Oh my god... shut it up. Please!
I remember coming home late nights, looking for you. You would be fast asleep.
As I walk towards you trying to creep, in my head I would repeat.
Peek a boo, I see you!
I'm Not Gonna Lie By: Ricardo Mack
I'm not gonna lie, when I was younger, I never really gave a fuck about my father.
I never asked my mom anything about him.
I look at it as he had his chance. He was the one who fucked it up, not me.
Now that I'm a father I always said I won't be like him at all.
Even though I'm in jail, my son loves me like crazy.
I'm mad that I couldn't spend time with him.
You know time is everything.
Fuck being on the phone for fifteen minutes and an hour visit.
I can't wait to be with him all day, every day.
And now that I'm older I might have time for my father.
Because I was thinking, damn maybe I will talk to him.
There's a few things I wanna ask him.
And plus, it will be good for my son to talk to his grandfather.
We both can't leave this Earth wondering... what-if?
I never asked my mom anything about him.
I look at it as he had his chance. He was the one who fucked it up, not me.
Now that I'm a father I always said I won't be like him at all.
Even though I'm in jail, my son loves me like crazy.
I'm mad that I couldn't spend time with him.
You know time is everything.
Fuck being on the phone for fifteen minutes and an hour visit.
I can't wait to be with him all day, every day.
And now that I'm older I might have time for my father.
Because I was thinking, damn maybe I will talk to him.
There's a few things I wanna ask him.
And plus, it will be good for my son to talk to his grandfather.
We both can't leave this Earth wondering... what-if?
Little Spider In Me! By: Elizardo Montanez
The day I discovered the little spider in me.
She was only three feet tall, at the time.
My little princess sashayed through the visiting room. Capturing everyone's attention As her mother ushered my princess to the table, I was located at, she climbed onto the next she climbed onto the table.
We embraced for twenty seconds!
Her hug felt so tight, and she was giving me all of her love.
Then we stopped and stared.
I waited for what was next, then she surprised me with a song, I did not expect.
The itsy bitsy spider.
As she finished the song, I thought to myself, how the spider might have felt.
As the spider crawled up the water spout, The joy, the excitement, That's how I felt that day,
When she had to leave, I felt the same feeling when the spider was washed away.
Unsure if she would ever visit again,
She turned around and said, "daddy I love you." That's when I felt the happiness all over.
She was my sun that day, She dried up all the rain.
I told myself, hoping I'll see her again, I had that same hope the spider had, when he climbed up the water spout again!
She was only three feet tall, at the time.
My little princess sashayed through the visiting room. Capturing everyone's attention As her mother ushered my princess to the table, I was located at, she climbed onto the next she climbed onto the table.
We embraced for twenty seconds!
Her hug felt so tight, and she was giving me all of her love.
Then we stopped and stared.
I waited for what was next, then she surprised me with a song, I did not expect.
The itsy bitsy spider.
As she finished the song, I thought to myself, how the spider might have felt.
As the spider crawled up the water spout, The joy, the excitement, That's how I felt that day,
When she had to leave, I felt the same feeling when the spider was washed away.
Unsure if she would ever visit again,
She turned around and said, "daddy I love you." That's when I felt the happiness all over.
She was my sun that day, She dried up all the rain.
I told myself, hoping I'll see her again, I had that same hope the spider had, when he climbed up the water spout again!
Somewhat of a failed Father By Charles McClendon
As a young adolescent, I often used to find myself wondering about what I will be like as a father.
In those uncertain and dreadful moments, I used to ponder over that image. Responsibility and the obligation that comes with being a father.
If there is anything history has taught us, there is a great distinction between being just a father and being a great dad.
Whenever I was in the company of friends and the question of fatherhood comes into play, I was skeptical to even surrender an opinion, because the subject of being a father was very complex.
Those woeful thoughts came from my own upbringing with my father, which likely influenced me, or should I say, construed me to become a great father figure. I grew up in a home that most people would consider stable, with both of my parents until I was thirteen.
My father did his sworn duty as a dad, to protect me, and provide. One of his major themes was that he placed heavy emphasis on the importance of education and family values, which were essential to him.
As my teenage years progressed, I was met with the reality of becoming a father myself. I became a young, teenaged father, in the mid-80's when the political term "babies having babies" was very popular.
I was blessed to have fathered three children, one son, and two daughters.
There I found myself, on what appeared to be the big stage. It was very important to me that I try to mimic my father, failure was not an option.
They say there are five stages of growth in life. I had to jump through hoops to get to the last one, which is adulthood. Those woeful thoughts I had as an adolescent are surreal now.
I managed to hold things down quite well...somewhat. I honored my sworn duty. To protect and to provide, as my father had done for me. I even married my children's mom.
Unfortunately, because of my lengthy prison sentence, and the time that I have now spent in prison, most of my obligations had to be met while I was behind prison walls.
My son was just four, my oldest daughter was two and a half, and my youngest daughter was about three months old, when I was arrested.
Now, my son is forty-one, my oldest daughter is thirty-nine, and my youngest daughter is thirty-
seven.
I watched my three children grow from toddlers, through their adolescent stages, to adulthood.
Now they're parents themselves.
I feel pride as a father and a grandfather.
I sincerely want to thank those brothers that have founded these kinds of programs. Such as Sesame Street. Those programs were founded forty plus years ago. Those programs helped me navigate a foundation for my children.
My son is an engineer instructor, my oldest daughter is an accountant, and my youngest daughter, well, she calls herself an average Jane manager at Amazon.
I am very proud of the direction my children's lives have taken.
But I still feel like somewhat of a failed father.
In those uncertain and dreadful moments, I used to ponder over that image. Responsibility and the obligation that comes with being a father.
If there is anything history has taught us, there is a great distinction between being just a father and being a great dad.
Whenever I was in the company of friends and the question of fatherhood comes into play, I was skeptical to even surrender an opinion, because the subject of being a father was very complex.
Those woeful thoughts came from my own upbringing with my father, which likely influenced me, or should I say, construed me to become a great father figure. I grew up in a home that most people would consider stable, with both of my parents until I was thirteen.
My father did his sworn duty as a dad, to protect me, and provide. One of his major themes was that he placed heavy emphasis on the importance of education and family values, which were essential to him.
As my teenage years progressed, I was met with the reality of becoming a father myself. I became a young, teenaged father, in the mid-80's when the political term "babies having babies" was very popular.
I was blessed to have fathered three children, one son, and two daughters.
There I found myself, on what appeared to be the big stage. It was very important to me that I try to mimic my father, failure was not an option.
They say there are five stages of growth in life. I had to jump through hoops to get to the last one, which is adulthood. Those woeful thoughts I had as an adolescent are surreal now.
I managed to hold things down quite well...somewhat. I honored my sworn duty. To protect and to provide, as my father had done for me. I even married my children's mom.
Unfortunately, because of my lengthy prison sentence, and the time that I have now spent in prison, most of my obligations had to be met while I was behind prison walls.
My son was just four, my oldest daughter was two and a half, and my youngest daughter was about three months old, when I was arrested.
Now, my son is forty-one, my oldest daughter is thirty-nine, and my youngest daughter is thirty-
seven.
I watched my three children grow from toddlers, through their adolescent stages, to adulthood.
Now they're parents themselves.
I feel pride as a father and a grandfather.
I sincerely want to thank those brothers that have founded these kinds of programs. Such as Sesame Street. Those programs were founded forty plus years ago. Those programs helped me navigate a foundation for my children.
My son is an engineer instructor, my oldest daughter is an accountant, and my youngest daughter, well, she calls herself an average Jane manager at Amazon.
I am very proud of the direction my children's lives have taken.
But I still feel like somewhat of a failed father.
Memories By: Jose Lopez
In a cell of cold-the memories unfold
I sit and dream of days of old.
Two daughters, two sons a baby in her crib,
Time spent together,
My heartache grows big.
Camping trips, laughter near the fire.
Disney World Adventures, my children's love never did tire.
School chaperone watching them learn and grow.
Years have passed, feeling quite low.
Incarcerated, my days marked by sorrow--
Fourteen years behind bars, hoping for a better tomorrow.
Grandkids, strangers in my heart's domain,
Never knowing the man who bears their family's name.
My daughters, now women strong and true--
My sons, grown into men, showing strength through and through
But a daughter lost, her memory aching and raw—
A grief that never fades, an open tender sore.
Locked away from the lives I dearly love-
but still, Hope resides in the blue skies above.
For every missed moment, there's a future in sight—
A chance to rewrite the narrative,
To make everything right.
I sit and dream of days of old.
Two daughters, two sons a baby in her crib,
Time spent together,
My heartache grows big.
Camping trips, laughter near the fire.
Disney World Adventures, my children's love never did tire.
School chaperone watching them learn and grow.
Years have passed, feeling quite low.
Incarcerated, my days marked by sorrow--
Fourteen years behind bars, hoping for a better tomorrow.
Grandkids, strangers in my heart's domain,
Never knowing the man who bears their family's name.
My daughters, now women strong and true--
My sons, grown into men, showing strength through and through
But a daughter lost, her memory aching and raw—
A grief that never fades, an open tender sore.
Locked away from the lives I dearly love-
but still, Hope resides in the blue skies above.
For every missed moment, there's a future in sight—
A chance to rewrite the narrative,
To make everything right.
I am still a father by: Martin Gray
A fact I will attest to is that at times it could be difficult being a father.
Ups, downs, kids running around, life!
Beating you down... some would say, why bother?
It was on a rainy February Seventh Day in 2003,
Ten pounds, fourteen inches, light skin complexion, like his dad... with his big ass head, my little man cracked open his eyes on me.
For the first time, it was amazing, ya'll should have seen my humongous smile!
Sneakers, clothes, jewelry, the lingo, all I could think in that instant was, how much I desired him to inherit my dapper style.
Pride and joy they say, for me those words were not just a saying.
The hope I envisioned in that moment was to be missing work in the future for events like graduations
and sports games he'll be playing.
"Dawg!" I'm still a father, in fact, proud father of my little man.
And although I'm out of his life, for now, I'm still his biggest fan.
He's played high school football, graduated high school... makes me so damn proud.
And although I haven't heard him say, "dad" since he was two,
If he were to walk through that door right now and say the word,
Yeah, I could see myself likely crying before this crowd.
Because I miss my son, no qualms admitting that,
Even though, I...ahem... really don't believe he misses me...
Yet! I often find myself reflecting back to those days,
Him, several months old, and how slobbery his kisses were... ilk!
So take a real good look at this father,
Even out of my son's life for over eighteen years,
It is a title that cannot be taken away, although, admittedly, it is an honor I've forsaken.
Nonetheless! The day I wish for is my release,
So I could begin mending that relationship...
No excuses on my part, won't be no takin' shit!
I... just want my chance at being his father.
TO the point I'ma express it with a demonstration of an avid church goer,
Possessed with the holy spirit.
Hmm...Hm.. Hm.. I pilmine!
FOR THAT MOMENT.
Confident.
Given the chance.
I will own it.
I! AM! STILL! A! FATHER!
Ups, downs, kids running around, life!
Beating you down... some would say, why bother?
It was on a rainy February Seventh Day in 2003,
Ten pounds, fourteen inches, light skin complexion, like his dad... with his big ass head, my little man cracked open his eyes on me.
For the first time, it was amazing, ya'll should have seen my humongous smile!
Sneakers, clothes, jewelry, the lingo, all I could think in that instant was, how much I desired him to inherit my dapper style.
Pride and joy they say, for me those words were not just a saying.
The hope I envisioned in that moment was to be missing work in the future for events like graduations
and sports games he'll be playing.
"Dawg!" I'm still a father, in fact, proud father of my little man.
And although I'm out of his life, for now, I'm still his biggest fan.
He's played high school football, graduated high school... makes me so damn proud.
And although I haven't heard him say, "dad" since he was two,
If he were to walk through that door right now and say the word,
Yeah, I could see myself likely crying before this crowd.
Because I miss my son, no qualms admitting that,
Even though, I...ahem... really don't believe he misses me...
Yet! I often find myself reflecting back to those days,
Him, several months old, and how slobbery his kisses were... ilk!
So take a real good look at this father,
Even out of my son's life for over eighteen years,
It is a title that cannot be taken away, although, admittedly, it is an honor I've forsaken.
Nonetheless! The day I wish for is my release,
So I could begin mending that relationship...
No excuses on my part, won't be no takin' shit!
I... just want my chance at being his father.
TO the point I'ma express it with a demonstration of an avid church goer,
Possessed with the holy spirit.
Hmm...Hm.. Hm.. I pilmine!
FOR THAT MOMENT.
Confident.
Given the chance.
I will own it.
I! AM! STILL! A! FATHER!
Fatherhood By: Alkeith Gayle
Is it to act or to serve as a father to a child, Is it to acknowledge responsibility for...
Is it just to be used as a title of respect...or Better yet, to beget one who is to be born...
I wonder--
Do I fit the criteria for those definitions...
A son who was raised by predominantly women.
A son who never experienced a fatherly hug...
A son who never experienced a fatherly kiss,
A well done son,
A tap on the shoulder,
A good job my little man...
A son who never got picked up... I mean really picked up or loved by a father..
Now... I am a father
Who bears the responsibility for, not one, but two beautiful young ladies.
And while these definitions of a father have become my personal journey,
I enjoy the hugs and the I love Yous...
The well done I hear from my princesses as we laugh.
The calls
The visits
The conversations
The awkward pauses
If only I had a memory from a father, I would have recalled,
The what to do...
The when to do...
The how to do...
But instead,
My journey was put on pause...
The lessons I had to learn...
Took a toll on my soul,
My heart was in it,
My spirit never made me quit...
As these girls become my world, I sit here...
Not only as a proud father, But a son,
A grandfather,
Hoping to raise a grandson to become an originator.
That producer... that light source that burns.
Is it just to be used as a title of respect...or Better yet, to beget one who is to be born...
I wonder--
Do I fit the criteria for those definitions...
A son who was raised by predominantly women.
A son who never experienced a fatherly hug...
A son who never experienced a fatherly kiss,
A well done son,
A tap on the shoulder,
A good job my little man...
A son who never got picked up... I mean really picked up or loved by a father..
Now... I am a father
Who bears the responsibility for, not one, but two beautiful young ladies.
And while these definitions of a father have become my personal journey,
I enjoy the hugs and the I love Yous...
The well done I hear from my princesses as we laugh.
The calls
The visits
The conversations
The awkward pauses
If only I had a memory from a father, I would have recalled,
The what to do...
The when to do...
The how to do...
But instead,
My journey was put on pause...
The lessons I had to learn...
Took a toll on my soul,
My heart was in it,
My spirit never made me quit...
As these girls become my world, I sit here...
Not only as a proud father, But a son,
A grandfather,
Hoping to raise a grandson to become an originator.
That producer... that light source that burns.
Untitled By: J. Colon Jr.
My daughter came into the world. Taking her first breath, she let out a crying scream.
Many held and welcomed her, with love, to the family.
I sat waiting. Gentle and practiced hands placed a tiny bundle in my arms. Only two days
old, she was so small. I held her close to my chest. My heart beat so fast.
She whimpered and opened her eyes. Her little hand took hold of my finger. I leaned in
and whispered, 'I'm your Dad and I love you." Tears of joy in my eyes, I held her closer and kissed the top of her head.
She is all smiles and giggles. Now crawling around, she tries to stand, but falls. Holding
on to two of my fingers, she takes a few steps. Letting go, she walks to her mom and falls in to her arms. She is still all smiles and giggles.
Eighteen months old. A playpen full of toys. Ernie is her favorite. Bath time. Tub full of warm water and bubbles. Toys on the floor save for Ernie. In my best Ernie voice I sing the
"Rubber Ducky" song. (Rubber Ducky, You're the one; you make bath time lots of fun). She giggles as she plays with the bubbles.
All clean and dry, wrapped in a warm towel, she puts her head on my shoulder. I kiss the
top of her head, tell her I love her, and that she is my lil duckling. She smiles and giggles.
Many held and welcomed her, with love, to the family.
I sat waiting. Gentle and practiced hands placed a tiny bundle in my arms. Only two days
old, she was so small. I held her close to my chest. My heart beat so fast.
She whimpered and opened her eyes. Her little hand took hold of my finger. I leaned in
and whispered, 'I'm your Dad and I love you." Tears of joy in my eyes, I held her closer and kissed the top of her head.
She is all smiles and giggles. Now crawling around, she tries to stand, but falls. Holding
on to two of my fingers, she takes a few steps. Letting go, she walks to her mom and falls in to her arms. She is still all smiles and giggles.
Eighteen months old. A playpen full of toys. Ernie is her favorite. Bath time. Tub full of warm water and bubbles. Toys on the floor save for Ernie. In my best Ernie voice I sing the
"Rubber Ducky" song. (Rubber Ducky, You're the one; you make bath time lots of fun). She giggles as she plays with the bubbles.
All clean and dry, wrapped in a warm towel, she puts her head on my shoulder. I kiss the
top of her head, tell her I love her, and that she is my lil duckling. She smiles and giggles.
